7 Upcoming Bizarre Dating Simulators
Dating simulators have been around for a long time, since gaming was once seen as a place the socially awkward would turn to, in favour of real life connections, it was only natural for some bright spark to come along and say, hey this is something I want, so there must be plenty of other lonely people out there who want it too, but now that the stigma has faded and misconceptions have started to be corrected, the market for Dating Simulators is not only still going, it’s going crazy! From dating Pigeons in Hatoful Boyfriend to Sharks in err…Shark Dating Simulator XL, it seems there is a game out there to cater to just about any fetish, but if you haven’t found yours yet, then strap yourself in and join me as I list off (in no particular order) some upcoming bizarre dating simulators!
- Love Esquire
Starting things off fairly normally, Love Esquire is a fantasy based dating simulator, you control a hero (well a lowly squire actually, who is thrust into battle to become a hero), who must woo a harem of ladies, while fighting a war, the reason it makes the list is that the game contains full RPG turn based battles in between the visual novel/dating simulator aspects, another atypical aspect in Love Esquire, is that the girls don’t just fall into the main characters lap (at least metaphorically speaking), so you’ll actually have to work if you want to be seen as more than a mere squire in their eyes, it also has a fairly prestigious lineup of Voice Actors announced, and a nameable main character….although I doubt the Voice Actors will say the name, it would be fun to hear them pronounce Hthupdkgupxl, maybe next time.
- Max Gentleman Sexy Business
Delving into quirkier waters, we have Max Gentleman Sexy Business, a Victorian Tycoon dating simulator, in which you get down to (Sexy) Business, make money, and date anyone you want! This game will also give you the ability to craft your own “Gentsona” a Lady or Gentleman of your own design to woo the other characters and unlock “tasteful nudes”, smashing.
- The Office Type – Add Love to your Resume
Ok, now things are getting weird, in Office Type, the object of your affections are…objects! That’s right, in The Office Type, you need to get to know and eventually date office supplies, well human representations of Office Supplies…because a person would have to be mad to dream of really dating a stapler…right?…
Anyway! The Office Type, will be offering 24 characters, split into 8 groups of 3, so far among the revealed options are Cyril the charcoal pencil, Benny the fountain pen, Cal the Graphing Calculator (I’d like to push her buttons….sorry), and Trey the briefcase three ring binder, gameplay in this one looks to be a matching game, similar to HuniePop a far more grounded dating game (despite having a cat girl and an alien, although it’s less about dating are more about getting laid if I remem….if the reviews are accurate).
- Boyfriend Dungeon
Now the title of this one sounds a lot more BDSM than the actual game, above we dated Office Supplies but in Boyfriend Dungeon it’s time to date some weapons! Boyfriend Dungeon is a hybrid Dating Simulator and Dungeon Crawler, from the released artwork it seems the battles will be grid based tactical RPG styled, and I’d wager that improving your relationships with the weapons would increase their efficiency in battle, in some samurai films they talk about the Katana being a partner to the samurai, seems they took that literally in Boyfriend Dungeon.
PS. There is also a cat that turns into brass knuckles but he just wants to be friends, because it would be weird to date your hand…or maybe too realistic?
- Furries & Scalies & Bears, Oh My!
There’s one thing you can say about quirky dating simulators, they aren’t shy in giving up the concept in the title, as you may have guessed, in this one you’re a villager in a small village where everyone has become anthropomorphic animals (some real like bears, others not so much, like dragons…I bet they’re hot in bed though), the business plan behind this game actually seems pretty solid when you think about it, both Furries and Scalies are likely to be interested, and not only that you also cut into that sweet bear market (possibly even crossing over with the LGBT community if they don’t check what kind of bear is on offer), all in all another set of fetishes covered, especially if you are into porcupines…because you can date a porcupine.
UPDATE – This one was actually released early, before the article was out but it was too late to find a replacement and I didn’t want to just remove it from the list, apologies!
- Supreme Courtship
Everyone is attracted to justice right? So Supreme Justice is even more enticing, following this line of logic Supreme Justices must be the most desirable of all the people, well the makers of Supreme Courtship have done their part in making that dream a reality, in the game you get to befriend, romance and seduce sexy young versions of the Chief Justices, so you can pursue a sassy Sonia Sotomayor, or the hunky silent Clarence Roberts (boy knows how to listen), at this stage it’s unconfirmed if the game is considered a federal crime or not.
- Super Patriotic Dating Simulator
This one actually failed in its Kickstarter goal, but a lot of projects fail the first time and have to relaunch later, that and how bizarre the concept is I felt compelled to keep it on the list.
Saving the most controversial for last, SPDS places you as a 19 year old American girl, who happens to be an undercover CIA agent, and is tasked with infiltrating ISIS, and it seems their horrific acts of terrorism have given them rock (or Iraq?) hard abs, the game is supposed to be a satire, lampooning dating simulators with over the top characters, descriptions and dialogue, deflating the terror of ISIS and exploring female sexuality, some lofty goals, time will tell if any or all succeed, the only thing we know for sure now though, is that it’s a bizarre idea for a dating simulator.
So there we have it, 7 (at the time of this article) upcoming dating simulators, to play out your fantasies, or maybe even give you some new ones, which one sounds most appealing to you? Do you think the Pen is mightier than the Sword and lean toward The Office Type over Boyfriend Dungeon, or perhaps you want to see what the Judges have on under their robes in Supreme Courtship? Or maybe none of these match what you’re looking for and you’ll begin work on a dating sim of your own, be who you are, own it, and be happy!
One half of the YouTube brother duo, The Game Bros with Sirhc and Ar0n, Chris is a lover of games, movies and other great things you can do from home.
Coffee of choice: I like the sweeter kinds, mixed with chocolate, coconut, caramel etc. but I won’t turn down a flat white or a straight black either.